Congratulations! You have finally decided to quit your addiction to social media We are confident that you will enjoy life without the pressure of social media, but you may feel some residual urge.
Any habit is easy to kick in overnight, so here are a few things you can do to calm the urge to pull out your phone and overcome social media rejection.
You have an argument with random strangers
How are you going to show people how wrong they are without social media? If you feel the need to argue with a complete stranger, why not head to your local park or restaurant and listen to other people discuss?
This is the perfect place to interrupt them by saying “but really” and explain why they are stupid and you are right. Note that people hit a lot harder in real life than on the Internet, but otherwise they are the same thing.
For a true experience, be sure to keep your phone handy or (for more intimidation) a real encyclopedia. You don’t need to keep an eye on your new debating partners if they decide to leave. This is a sign that you have won. Great job!
Stick polaroid pictures of your food on bulletin boards
What’s the point in even eating food if you can’t show people first how good it is? If you’ve been feeling a little unsatisfied with your food since you stopped taking the gram, why not get a Polaroid-style instant camera and post these photos on message boards and other public places that people might see them. You can even listen to their comments.
If you want to keep your food photography hobby on a tight budget, you can wander around restaurants and ask people if you can eat their food quickly before digging in.
Sending inappropriate mail to people
Have you noticed someone who amazed you, but you can no longer stick in their DM because you are disappointed in it? Do not despair! You still have the opportunity to write a perfectly normal, creepy, inappropriate letter on paper. Put it in an envelope and literally shove it into the mailbox.
If you want to be really effective, just photocopy one letter and carpet bomb with your suggestions to as many potential life partners as possible. After all, the more times you roll the dice, the more chances you have to hit the jackpot!
Buy a loudspeaker
One of the signs of leaving social media is to feel a little lonely when the whole world doesn’t hear your every random thought. It turns out there is technology that does about the same thing. All you have to do is order a good megaphone and then choose any convenient street corner. It would be preferable to stand somewhere to make your voice sound better.
This way you can shout out any important opinion of yours into the public domain. Let people around the world benefit from your unique perspective on current events. Better yet, when the police eventually show up, you too will be on an equal footing, since your megaphone and their speaker must be the same.
Lay in public places
Lurkers is one of the main social media products. These eccentrics love to watch and do not participate in anything themselves. Believe it or not, hiding is actually a beautiful tradition that predates social media, well, well, a long time ago. So if you’ve been a champion lurking online, you can continue to pursue your hobby by ditching your digital habit.
There are many places to hide. Bus stops, metro stations, in front of shops – the list goes on. Make sure to dress for the occasion so everyone knows you are not interested in socializing. The classic version is long trench coats, a cap and dark sunglasses. Skipping a few showers is also helpful advice.
Take a magazine to social gatherings
Social media is the perfect way to ignore the people who literally sit at your table with you in favor of the coming and going of people you’ve never met in real life. The good news is that blocking access to people in your immediate vicinity while blatantly ignoring them was an art before Twitter flashed in Jack Dorsey’s eyes.
All you have to do is wrap a magazine or newspaper in a bag and take it out in the middle of a conversation. In fact, it’s much better than being distracted by Twitter, as you don’t even need to make grunting noises to mimic your listening. When your nose is pressed firmly against the gossip column, your “friends†cannot help but convey the message loud and clear.
Buy an anonymous mask
One of the best things about social media is that you can use a fictitious name and profile, allowing you to say and do what you want without anyone knowing who you really are. If you miss that anonymity, consider buying a meme-worthy mask featuring something like the legendary Anonymous mask. This will make sure people know that you don’t want them to know who you are.
Don’t actually do any of these things!
By now, you’ve probably figured out that none of this is real advice! Isn’t it strange what kinds of behavior are perfectly acceptable on the Internet, but are undoubtedly unpleasant in real life? Social media is great in moderation and used correctly, but its design can bring out the worst in people as well.
If social media is making your life worse rather than better, you should really consider cutting down or eliminating social media from your life. Resources like the Narcology Center can help you recognize and manage social media addiction and withdrawal symptoms, and the negative mental health consequences of social media abuse.
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